My Life Now

I've realised that there's an exhaustion that comes with pain. Like all the emotion's just too much for your body-- not happiness though. You can jump up and down and just feel even more invigorated.
If we're tired, though, we're less motivated to go out and make everything better, not that one outing can even fix anything.

I don't know if you can call what's happening here 'going through something'. It's more like, watching something happen.
I can feel the breach of trust, the hurt, the pain, and this hit me hard, but I'm being forced to deal with it, and it's getting easier and easier to alleviate if I put a cross through the past, and handle with what's going on now.
If I don't dwell on the complete betrayal.

But nothing's hit me hardest. It's almost as if there was a fireball thrown, and I'm only scathed. THere are people though, who are burning, or will burn with the fireball gets round to them. I think maybe I'm just an artist at jumping out of the way, which in this case is a good thing, but with respect to getting on with life and stuff, it's not as super.
I just have to learn how to identify a fireball from a big bouncing rush of joy, then I'll know what to absorb and what to dodge.

What I'm saying, is that I don't know what I feel, but that I know that what I do feel is not the worst it could be. I know that I'm strong in many ways, but that I'm angry. And that I need to find some way to vent. I'm angry that there was any fireball at all.
So, I'm just going to have to keep plowing through the exhaustion.
I might watch 300 tonight, my friend lent it to me.