The Lake I Want

Pack my clothes up in a duffel bag, book a trip someplace nice where they speak english. Where I can sail out on a lake on a boat and feel completely safe.

Where I can tip my head back and just feel the wind on my face. Where I can look around at all of the dark trees and say 'how beautiful' softly to myself as I eat prawn cocktail crisps.

Then, in the evening, I can dress up in a white party dress with long blue socks and black vans and dance around the floor like someone who's achieved something, and when a slow song comes on, someone dashing and kind will whip me in to his arms so that we can just be there in each other's arms, no longer alone. And then we'll go out on the lake again the next day, and we'll laugh and play cards, and take sandwiches.

Loooooove?

What is love, anyway?

Can it fade? Or do people just change? Does it become less exciting?

Is companionship more important? Is it? Should it be?

Would I let it? Should I?

Argh... Too many questions...

Another Place

If only I lived in Camelot... So, so awesome...

Stop talking

I don't care about the money.

If it pays well then great, if the pay's not amazing, then fine, I'll manage. I won't eat a chocolate pie every single day.

At least I'll be happy.

You're the one that taught me not to take a shit, long, tedious job even if it pays a lot. Even if all I'm trying to do is give my family a nice bouncy sofa.

I'll have bean bags.

You're the one that taught me to not take advice from other people.

Stop talking to me like you know everything in the world, because you don't. You don't at all. I'm the way that I am because I'm dodging the bullets that hit you.

Stop talking to me like I'm the one bleeding on the floor.

If I did what you told me, if I let you guide my hand all the time, then I'd have made the same plays as you. I'd be leaking my bodily fluids out of my stomach.

Just stop talking.

Optimus Prime

So, it's December now. How long... 21 days to christmas.

Cool.

Every morning I practically fall down the stairs to get to my Optimus Prime advent calendar.

It's so beautiful... And yesterday, as I ripped off a square with his fingers on and stuck it in a blue book that I've been sticking the squares in, I realised why it is that the whole ripping-and-sticking thing is so fulfilling- if not necessary.

It gives each day a new purpose. It's not just tuesday anymore, it's christmas tree day. It's knowing how much of the month is left so you don't walk blindly through it ignoring the time passing by.

It means that I don't forget to have a life. THen I thought, 'omg, there should be a calendar for each month'. Because then, I'd always have a life, and I wouldn't sit in front of the tv oblivious for hours.

I mean, I'd still sit in front of the tv, but I'd do it for entertainment, and not just to pass the time that my jacket potato's in the oven for.

Then I realised, that having an advent calendar isn't so that each day has a purpose, it's to jig you up for christmas, which depressed me a bit. Because there's only one month in a year where you get all hyped up and dance around with tinsel?!

So wrong.

And it was after that that I realised that I needed to hype myself up for something. It's not the world's job to give me a sense of chirrupiness every month, that would just be exhausting for the planet. It's my job.

And no, I can't slay vampires and no, I can't fly around the earth, dropping glitter bombs from a height.

No, I can't swing from tree to tree on sturdy vines, because no, I'm not Tarzan. What I can do though, I realised, is know my dream.

Which is what I'm attempting to do now.

Then will come the actual getting to it.

All I keep thinking is, if it weren't for my advent calendar, then I wouldn't have thought that. I'd just walk through the other months of the year shrugging and watching Ally McBeal over and over.

So, Optimus Prime stops my own personal apocalypse *hugs*